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Brick Divorce Lawyers Address, What Can I Expect From an Enraged Ex-Spouse?
Serving clients in Brick, Sea Girt, Toms River, Wall, Point Pleasant, and across Ocean and Monmouth Counties.
Most people going through divorce hope their ex-spouse will remain civil throughout the process. However, everyone handles divorce differently. The most agreeable partner can change when it is time to discuss visitation schedules or divide marital assets. Dealing with hostility at every turn can feel overwhelming and defeating. It is hard to see an end to all of the conflict when every call, text, or meeting ends in another argument.
There are countless reasons why an ex-spouse may be angry about the divorce. It could be they are still in love and never wanted the split, or they do not want to pay alimony. Some blame their ex-spouse for a divorce agreement they think is unfair. The obvious reason for all of this anger stems from the fear of not having control and/or not knowing what the future will look like.
The following are common ways irate partners tend to lash out:
Drag Their Legal Feet
A bitter ex-spouse might do all they can to delay the inevitable. They may refuse to submit required documents or stop responding. They also may request their spouse hand over documents in amounts so copious that it takes weeks to obtain them.
Change or Back Out of Verbal Agreements
Agreements made in peaceful times do not always stand up when things get heated. As soon as something is agreed upon, get it in writing. Even something as seemingly minor as who pays for the children’s summer sports or where they will spend the Easter holiday needs to be documented. Facts are hard to argue when they are in writing.
Request Full Custody
The classic way to get back at a spouse, as upsetting as it may seem, is by requesting full custody. Some parents who push for custody are less about the children and more about hurting the other parent. If that does not work, they may manipulate the children to turn them against the other parent. In these situations, ask for joint custody from the start; that way, the children will not be used as pawns or bargaining chips.
Make Allegations of Abuse
In heated divorces, a spouse may falsely claim the other abuses them or abuses the children. Every abuse allegation needs to be taken seriously to ensure the safety of all involved. Family court judges measure the weight of the evidence heavily when it comes to custody arrangements. The accuser has to show proof of the abuse, and if that is not possible, the matter is not a factor in the divorce proceedings.
Block Access to Marital Property
As soon as one spouse brings up a divorce, it is not uncommon for the other to immediately block access to shared assets. Both partners should always be involved in the household finances. Before even filing for divorce, conduct inventory on all joint assets, accounts, and other property to prevent your spouse from selling or hiding assets. You must always keep access to bank accounts and deposit boxes. Avoid signing any official-looking documents without checking with your attorney first.
Tips for Dealing with an Angry Ex-Spouse
Find a good therapist. A good therapist will assist you with feedback and tools for communicating more productively with an angry spouse.
Find a good lawyer. Some lawyers feel fear and anxiety, and some lawyers seek to minimize it. A good lawyer will explain all possible options for moving forward with a divorce case, including the collaborative divorce process (where all of the professionals, including your angry spouse’s lawyer, strive to minimize anxiety, fear, and surprises) and maximize productivity problem-solving).
Stay calm. Do not take the bait and try to go tit-for-tat with the angry person. This escalates the conflict and prevents everyone from focusing on the actual issues requiring negotiation.
Be patient. The anger and rage will not disappear overnight and may never disappear. Negotiating with an angry person will require patience and persistence. The divorce may take longer than you want, but you will finish. Also, you may have to say “no” many times to get to an agreement acceptable to you.
Forget logic. You will never convince your spouse that their anger and rage are unjustified. Accept that they are angry and stay focused on the point being negotiated, not their anger. Look for ways to present desired solutions in the most objective way possible.
Pick and choose your battles. Of importance is the ability to focus on the finish line and to let go of small things that do not move you toward the finish and, in the long run, do not affect your life. You only know the identity of the small things if you have spent time thinking about your primary interests or goals and then ranked those in order of importance.
“Give in” strategically. Strategically giving up small things at the right time in the negotiation is different than just giving in. This is giving in with a purpose allowing you to receive something that may be important to you and to move toward that all-important finish line.
Contact our Divorce Lawyers for a Free Consultation at our Brick Office
If you are planning a divorce or have already begun divorce proceedings, your rights must be protected. Divorce is a complex process, made even more so when a spouse becomes angry and unreasonable.
At Peter Bronzino Law Firm, we take pride in successfully representing clients in Brick, Sea Girt, Toms River, Wall, Point Pleasant, and across Ocean and Monmouth Counties. Our experienced team of lawyers is here to listen and guide you through the divorce process.