Unraveling the Complexities of Disneyland Parenting Approaches in NJ

Although Disneyland Parenting May Sound Like a Fun Name, It Can Potentially Undermine Children’s Development and Strain Co-Parenting Dynamics

Parenting is frequently challenging. Parents want to set boundaries and raise children who have manners, are responsible, and are productive. Families of divorce face even more difficulties as each parent establishes their rules and creates the relationship they most want with their children. While the primary caregiver sets rules for screen time, bedtime, eating in a balanced way, doing household chores, and performing well at school, the other parent spoils the children with trips, junk food, gifts, and a limitless environment, allowing them to do what they see fit. Disneyland parents try to make up for the lack of time spent with their children by showering them with gifts and fun experiences, in a sense attempting to buy or bribe a relationship with them. This, of course, makes the custodial parent appear to be the bad guy for enforcing rules and using discipline to ensure the children’s healthy development and success.

The Thin Line Between Having Fun and Being Responsible

Jendry and Allan have been divorced for a little over two years. They share three children, ages 6, 9, and 10, who reside with Jendry.  Allan has visitation every other weekend from 6 PM Friday until 8 PM Sunday. He pays support on time and is very reliable when it comes to picking up the children and dropping them off.   He and Jendry are by no means friendly but treat each other with respect, especially in front of the children. The divorce was hard on everyone, but the children are the ones who have been most affected. When Allan has visitation with the children, there are no bedtimes or restrictions of any kind. They eat all their favorite foods, and the pantry is stocked with chips, cookies, candy, you name it. Every weekend is always packed with activities; they go to hockey games, bowling, and ice skating in the winter. In the summer, they visit every theme park within a 300-mile radius and go home with their arms full of gift shop purchases. At Christmas, they are showered with expensive gifts, and this year, they flew to New York City to see the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center and spent the weekend in a suite at The Plaza Hotel. When they returned home, they quickly complained about having to help around the house, going to bed before midnight, and being bored.

Pitfalls of Overcompensation Known as Disneyland Syndrome

When a parent wants to make up for the time they miss with their children, it leads them to be more of a friend than a parent. Perhaps there are feelings of guilt due to the divorce and the toll it has taken on the children. Disneyland parents want to please and spoil their children to make up for not always being there. They want to make every second spent with the children fun, entertaining, and memorable. Additionally, when a marriage has ended acrimoniously, parents can engage in a competition of whom the children prefer, and overindulgence is used as the motivating factor. This brand of toxicity is damaging for everyone involved. Not only can it damage the children’s mental and physical health, but it can also pressure them into the impossible situation of having to choose which parent they “love more.”

Recognizing the Pattern Behavior of a NJ Disneyland Parent

Disneyland parents want to have fun all the time. They take their children to theme parks, on day trips to museums, bowling, go-karts, skate parks, movies, etc. They go on exciting vacations and do everything there is to do, whether it’s Sea World, swimming with dolphins, cruises, or horseback riding; the sky is the limit.

A Disneyland parent buys many gifts, even when they are not expected. Birthday and Christmas gifts are numerous and usually expensive. Other gifts, given “just because,” are used to boost the Disneyland parent’s popularity, especially when the gift is something the other parent has refused to purchase. The most common example of this is cell phones. Parents may disagree about how old a child should be before having their own phone. Social media influences may not be healthy for a young child. The ideal way for a Disneyland parent to capture the hearts and minds of their children is by giving them the one thing they haven’t been allowed to enjoy.

Disneyland parents don’t have rules. The children’s routines are not followed. They can eat what they please, sleep when they choose, and don’t have any household responsibilities such as washing dishes or cleaning their room. Screen time is unlimited, as are scary movies or violent video games. Adolescent children are allowed to smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol despite them being illegal.

How to Balance the Actions of a Disneyland Parent with Your Children

Don’t badmouth your ex. Your children love them and could resent your negative comments. Also, it puts the kids in a tough spot when it appears you are asking them to forego their feelings because the other parent is bad. Focus on your relationship with your children. You have no control over the relationship your children have with your ex. Still, if they provide an experience for the children but not a relationship with them, the quality of that relationship will eventually present itself. What you can control is the earnest, genuine relationship you are building with your children based on mutual love and respect.

Build a strong bond with your children by engaging in meaningful activities. Watch a movie, go to the park, and delve into their interests. Yes, you work all day and have a lot on your plate, but relationship-building requires extra effort. This is not a competition. It is a daily opportunity for you to share each other’s worlds. Be present and listen, even when the conversation is about the latest relationship news in your third grader’s homeroom class. Relationships aren’t just about deep feelings and philosophical discussions. They are about the day-to-day living people share.

Do not change your household rules and routines in an attempt to be the favored parent. Children crave predictability and boundaries (whether or not they admit it). It provides them with stability. It is also essential for their health. Limiting sweets, encouraging screen-free time, and doing homework and chores are a part of the growth process. If you give in to Disneyland syndrome, your children may grow up to be adults with Peter Pan syndrome (a refusal to grow up).

If You Need a Lawyer to Address a Disneyland Parenting Ex in New Jersey

When a Disneyland parent has no limits on what they spend or where they go with the children, it may affect their ability to pay alimony and child support. Also, they may not follow the parenting plan, which can cause family instability. The decisions made by the court are binding and must be followed. A family law attorney at Bronzino Law Firm can help you set things right in Red Bank, Jackson, Barnegat, Waretown, Toms River, Colts Neck, Lavallette, and Rumson throughout Ocean and Monmouth County.

The lawyers at our family law firm know that being a single parent is hard. You want what is best for your children, and it isn’t fair to them when financial obligations aren’t met. Our attorneys can represent you in Family Court and ensure your ex follows your agreement’s stipulations. Your children deserve the best; we are prepared to make that happen.

Contact us today at (732) 812-3102 for an initial free consultation, or fill out a contact form by following this link.