Tag: Violence

Family Law Attorney Dealing with Narcissistic Abuse in Brick and Sea Girt NJ

Serving clients in Brick, Sea Girt, Toms River, Wall, Point Pleasant, and across Ocean and Monmouth Counties

Family Law Attorney Dealing with Narcissistic Abuse in Brick and Sea Girt NJAre you in a hurtful and confusing relationship, that forces you to highlight only the happy moments to avoid accepting the bad memories? If so, you might be involved with a narcissistic abuser and it’s vital that you learn more about their behavior when they try to convince you to stay with them.

Which Are The Top Strategies Used By Narcissistic Abusers?

The idealization/devaluation cycle is used by most narcissists. The idealization phase happens while they choose partners who mirror them well and nurture their ego. But once they come to the realization that the person they put way up high on the staircase is just a human being, that is when the devaluation phase starts off with criticism, controlling, and shaming.

Once you make it evident you want to leave, the narcissist will act nice again —but only as nice as it fits their part. Nevertheless, they will resort back to their abusive behavior almost as soon as you come back. If you manage to call out on love-bombing and gaslighting (tactics of manipulation), you will then be able to liberate yourself from any narcissist.

Love-Bombing Defined

Narcissists will blur their “prey” with theatrical displays of adoration. Elle Magazine recently published an interview with singer FKA Twigs, where she thoroughly described the abusive relationship she had with Shia LaBoeuf and how he would tell her he loved her not too long after the first time they met and literally jumped the fence of her London residence, to bring her flowers and love notes. These are the classic love-bombing strategies that debilitate victims by making them feel unique. The intermittent dopamine rewards typical of love-bombing relationships make them addictive, thus having the abused partner race back in search of another dose of dopamine (a brain chemical that creates feelings of pleasure and reward, which motivates you to repeat a specific behavior) once they feel devalued. FKA Twigs admitted being drawn back to LaBoeuf after the relationship ended.

LaBoeuf sent her 10 and 20 bunches of flowers every day for 10 days in a row. She would sit down to watch something or work, hear the doorbell ring, and find three more bunches of flowers. The note would always read “More love, more love”. Looking back, she admitted it was a bit excessive and felt awkward, more like seriously aggressive love.

The most effective method to shield yourself from love-bombing is to see situations for what they are: the complete opposite of love. It narrows down to a strategy to pull you in. You will most likely feel devalued if you decide to go back under the narcissist’s domain. Don’t trust fantastic promises and overwhelming displays of affection, instead pay attention to your significant other’s commitment to improving their unhealthy behavior.

How To Recognize Gaslighting?

The concept was borrowed from the classic film “Gaslight”, about a vicious husband who convinces his wife she’s losing her mind because he’s trying to steal her fortune. Narcissists gaslight their victims of choice by discrediting what they believe is real. Their goal is to convince you that you are the one responsible for their poor behavior. Model Sarah McNeilly shared on her Instagram account how she had suffered abuse from her ex-partner, singer Marilyn Manson.

He reportedly threw her against a wall and threatened to smash her face with the baseball bat he was holding, because she attempted to help him choose a pair of pants to wear for a music video. She witnessed him making up problems or hiding missing objects to validate his uncontrollable outbursts. McNeilly also explained that she was scared of leaving him because he had the habit of blackmailing and belittling people.

Losing the ability to think critically is a common trait of gaslighting victims, because of the brainwashing the narcissist works on them. Keeping a log of the narcissist’s behavior and revising it with a therapist or trusted support person is one tool against brainwashing. Narcissists are known to enjoy isolating their victims so they can exercise full control over them. What they focus on is preventing you from getting advice from people who do care about your well-being.

Ending Narcissistic Abuse

Ending Narcissistic AbuseTake ownership of your situation by connecting with your support system, learn about these violent behaviors, and plan a safe way out.

Trauma-bonding explained. Having an intense attachment to anyone who chooses to hurt you is far from love, that is trauma-bonding. People who were abused by those who were supposed to keep them safe, end up attracting partners who repeat the abuse as they grow older. The so-called love you feel is probably unreal, but actually, a nervous system response activated by the repetition of trauma happening during childhood.

Share your story. Allow yourself to talk to those who truly support you, instead of only focusing on the narcissist’s opinion. External points of view will help you counteract love-bombing and gaslighting and notice the narcissist’s behavior for the aggression and manipulation it hides.

Choose a safe way out. Narcissists usually escalate their abusive behavior when their prey (partner) tries to walk out of the relationship. Seek for violence support resources to help you design your safety plan to leave as soon as possible.

Contact our Domestic Violence Lawyers for a Free Consultation

If you or a loved one are subject to narcissistic abuse, seek counseling from an experienced Domestic Violence and Family Lawyer to help you weigh your best options to break free from the abuse cycle and outlining the best strategies to safeguard your future, free from any harmful consequences.

At Peter Bronzino,  we take pride in successfully representing clients in Brick, Sea Girt, Toms River, Wall, Point Pleasant, and across Ocean and Monmouth Counties.

Contact the Monmouth law offices of Peter Bronzino at 732-812-3102 today, to understand your available options. One of our New Jersey domestic violence attorneys will answer your questions and provide you with a cost-free initial consultation.

Identify Signs of Financial Abuse with Monmouth and Ocean County NJ Lawyers

Financial abuse can most often be found in romantic relationships and marriages.

Identify Signs of Financial Abuse with Monmouth and Ocean County NJ LawyersThe abuse often happens gradually, making it hard to identify and even harder to escape. Women are the most vulnerable, but anyone can be at risk.  Many people do not recognize financial abuse as a form of domestic violence. But in fact, nearly all physical domestic abuse victims report that their partner also uses financial control as a weapon. In fact, financial dependence is one of the main reasons many victims do not leave an abusive relationship.

Financial abuse can take many forms but is generally when someone maintains control over the couple’s financial resources. An abuser may use subtle tactics or more overtones. The abuser might spend money without permission, withhold access to money, or prevent someone from working. The abuser might block a person from accessing bank accounts or force them to cosign on a loan. Since the loan is cosigned, both the abuser and the victim suffer the consequences of late or missed payments, including damage to their credit score and any legal action for not paying the debt off.

What Are The Signs of Financial Abuse?

In many cases, financial abuse occurs gradually. It can happen without someone realizing — no matter the relationship. That is why it is important to know the signs of financial abuse. The sooner you can recognize it, the quicker you can guard against it.

Here are some of the signs to watch out for:

  • You are not included in financial information or decisions. You don’t know what accounts you have, the spouse’s compensation structure, or where the money is located or spent.
  • You are on a budget that your partner decided. A partner puts you on a budget or and gives you an “allowance.” Maybe you are regulated to a certain amount of cash every month, or your credit card purchases are under a watchful eye.
  • You sign documents without knowing what they are. You might sign business forms, tax returns, and loan requests without knowing what they entail or even having a chance to read them. Sometimes you may know what the paperwork is for and are forced to sign them under duress.
  • Your partner is using your money or property without your permission. They are stealing from you, spending your money on something you didn’t authorize. They may demand to use your credit card or force you to obtain a loan. They may change passcodes or close accounts that you previously had access to, opening new ones in either of your names.
  • Your partner does not contribute to the partnership as agreed upon. You pay for all of the utilities, rent, and groceries. They don’t contribute to the household and are making no effort to do so.
  • Your partner makes your career decisions telling you what your salary must be and when you can and cannot work.  They frequently ask you for evidence of your income and demand that your salary be deposited directly into a “joint account” that they control.

What Are the Effects of Financial Abuse?

What Are the Effects of Financial Abuse?Financial abuse can have detrimental physical, emotional, and financial impacts, even years after the abuse has stopped. Victims of financial abuse may have difficulty keeping a job or finding a job due to their spotty employment history. This is often due to an abuser limiting them from attending work or school, interfering with their job, and causing job loss. Because of the abuser’s psychological tactics, a victim may feel less confident in their ability to secure a job, save money, and make a solid life for themselves.

If someone defaults on payments or takes out personal loans in your name, your credit score could be affected from a financial health perspective. When credit scores are harmed, it can take years to rebuild — making it difficult to buy things like a home or vehicle.

For most financial and domestic abuse victims, leaving the relationship is the healthiest and safest option for the long-term. Many abusers make it hard to leave the relationship. They might track your activity or prevent you from accessing your bank account. Still, there are ways to remove yourself from a difficult situation and rebuild yourself as a financially independent person.

  • Be aware of and involved with financial decisions. If you are asked to sign the paperwork, understand what it is that you’re signing. If something seems out of the ordinary, ask questions, and pay close attention. Don’t make excuses for an abuser or obligate yourself to pay their loans, debts, or late fees.
  • Ensure your personal information is safe. Change your passwords, bank pins, access codes, and credit card login information. Freeze your credit to make sure no one else can apply for credit or a loan under your name.
  • Set aside some savings. If you can safely save money without your abuser knowing, sock away cash for your future life. Consider hiding cash and valuable items or opening a new bank account your abuser doesn’t know about.
  • Work toward supporting yourself. Brainstorm different jobs you could do and develop the necessary skills. Don’t worry if you don’t have the means to support yourself yet. With time and the right resources, you will get there.
  • Keep your credit safe. Every year, you can get one free credit report from each of the major credit bureaus. Dispute any errors or fraudulent activity on your report as soon as possible — ideally within six months of the occurrence.

Where Can You Get Help as a Victim of Financial Abuse?

The impact of financial abuse can be long-lasting, impacting credit scores and the ability to secure steady employment. But there is hope. There are ways to break away from an abuser and rebuild your livelihood. There are also good money habits you can put into place to build your overall financial strength.  If you suspect someone you know may be a victim of financial abuse, there are ways to get help.

Consult an Ocean County Family and Domestic Violence Lawyer Today

If you are suffering from economic abuse and would like to talk to someone about your legal options, the Bronzino Law Firm, with our offices in Ocean and Monmouth Counties, is prepared to provide you with the information and assistance you need to stop your abuser from continuing to control your finances.

Our legal team of top-notch attorneys wants to help you return to a peaceful and secure state of mind. Please visit our online form or call us at  (732) 812-3102 to learn more about your legal options.